crap

Perhaps Egg Salad is on to something with her health-conscious eating style. Today for lunch, I ate a salad with salmon, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and a citrus vinaigrette. Once I gave in to the party in my mouth, I lost myself in this salad completely.

Unfortunately, the scalloped potatoes that I ordered as a side dish were not at all scalloped and my good trip quickly devolved into a nightmare. Then I remembered that my little salad cost an ungodly $5.00. Lunch was ruined. Again.

2.5 stars.

An Asian youth hates his/her scalloped potatoes:

hallelujah

Today our posse was disbanded due to doggie health concerns and sleep deprivation. I am determined to keep the faith alive, goddamnit.

Finally, I got my hands on a Skeletor Bacon Grilled Cheese™. For the love of God, you’ve got to hit up Dave the Irrational Sandwich Guy for one of these bad boys! Despite the fact that at one point a piece of bacon snapped out of my mouth like a rubberband and the bread/bacon/cheese ratios were all over the place, I give this lunch 3.5 stars.

Regrettably, my eyes were bigger than my stomach and I ordered a piece of cinnamon chicken thighs as a side. When I reached the register, Liz mumbled something like “Jesus Christ, Ham Sandwich, your eating habits sure are silly!” Anyway, after I gingerly removed the lard from my thigh I was able to properly experience the bizarre cinnamon aftertaste, which tingled at first but was actually quite divine.

I learned that Jason drinks beer in the shower. When coupled with last week’s discovery that Jason takes his meals in the shower, a rather disturbing truth emerges—one that, like Britney’s, I certainly cannot handle.

getting in my panties: a how-to guide

Today’s lunch forced me to seek inspiration elsewhere. Thankfully TGI Friday’s has a website. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, I’m going to assume you’ve heard about Friday’s new $12.99 menu. $12.99 for three courses! Is it getting hot in here?

To begin, I will order the Chipotle Queso Dip and Chips. According to the website, this appetizer consists of a whole pile of food! The queso in this course will guide me to the loving arms of my entrée, the Cheesy Bacon Cheeseburger. To finish, I will forego ordering the Oreo Madness to try the brand new Fudge Fixation. I have no idea what this dessert consists of but the title alone demands further investigation.

I’ll wash it all down with no less than six rounds of the Ultimate Hawaiian Volcano: “Tropical juices + Southern Comfort + DiSaronno Amaretto + Smirnoff Vodka = an eruption of fun.”

I need a cold shower.

Friday’s = Classy:

healthy choice

Today for lunch, I had a small salad with feta cheese, tomato, onion, and balsamic vinaigrette. And also some Pita Chips. I felt I needed to eat something healthy after the poison I've been cramming into my body for the past few weeks. And by poison I mean beer and cheeseburgers. The salad was good, but I have the feeling I will need to eat again. and soon. and by eat I mean drink. beer.

Lunch was cut a little short today because we have a trivia quiz at 2 and Jason's colostomy bag was full.

Overall rating: 3 stars

Have a good weekend!

sick day

Today for lunch, I had a plain bagel toasted with some chicken salad from the Bagelry. After a late night, very little sleep and an afternoon dentist appointment, I decided to take a sick day. This morning was a little rough but after my delicious lunch I felt infinitely better. The best part about my lunch was being able to eat it in my underwear on my couch while watching daytime TV. I have never felt so alive. But I have to say I missed my lunch companions. Lunch really isn't the same without them.

Overall rating: 3 stars

killing me softly

I dedicate today’s lunch post to Dave the Irrational Sandwich Guy, who created an entirely rational, dare I say scrumptious, grilled ham and American cheese sandwich for me.

Clearly Dave the Irrational Sandwich Guy deserves some long-overdue snaps. I’m sorry, Dave the Irrational Sandwich Guy, for the time I said you failed to bring your ‘A’ game. I’m also sorry for the time I mocked you for making a turkey sandwich with no turkey in it. And finally, I’m sorry for the time I implied that you require fellatio in order to achieve peak performance.

I should tell you though, Dave the Irrational Sandwich Guy, that it still creeps me out when I see you in your real-life clothes. You look like a member of the Wu-Tang Clan and I don’t know how to address you in non-sandwich terms.

For dessert, I drank Emergen-C in an effort to digest last night’s martini disaster squad.

I give this lunch 3 stars.

Wu-Tang Grillah:

hot dog!

Today for lunch, I ventured into the outside world and dined at F&B. Awesome move on my part as this turned out to be the best lunch I've had since the inception of Soaking Wet Panties. I had two bare-bones hot dogs with ketchup, mustard, and onions as well as a small order of Pomme Frites with a side of garlic aioli dipping sauce. Not only was the food excellent, it was also paid for by Jesse. We also ate our food in the outdoor area, next to the trash can. It was magical.

Susanna and I figured that since we would be drinking heavily tonight we should eat something substantial for lunch. But on second thought, a belly full of hot dogs is probably not the way to go. Fuck.

Overall rating: 4 stars

state of confusion

Dear soakingwetpanties2006,

If it weren’t for this blog I would surely be dead by now (or at the very least crying in the 6th floor bathroom stall).

Today for lunch, I ate roast pork and polenta in comfort of my office. The pork was nothing short of a nightmare. I was actually grateful for the greasy skin, as it provided the only moisture to be had. I selected the polenta on a recommendation from Lauren. Can someone explain polenta to me? I think it’s made of soylent green, which as we all know is made of people.

Overall rating: 1 star.

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful Broccoli

On the menu today: Roasted Salmon and Baked Potato. Salmon was fishier than usual but the baked potato was f'n awesome...especially after covering it with sour cream and bacon. Broccoli was also on the menu but pizza party stated that it makes you fart. I think it just makes him fart.

Overall rating: 2 1/2 stars

true.

what a fool believes...

Today for lunch, I had grilled chicken alfredo and buttered penne. Usually, this dish is somewhat tasty. But today it was everything but. The chicken breasts dry and bland and the neon-yellow alfredo sauce had little white clumps in it and was not as creamy as I would have hoped.

Overall it was a pretty tame lunch, I think we were all still recovering from saturday night's rugelach fiasco.

Overall rating: 1 star

dazed and confused

For lunch today, I had a grilled Portobello mushroom panini with melted provolone and wilty greens. Everything about this panini was delicious; I was barely able to control my excitement. Thankfully I’m still a little slow following Saturday night’s pot rugelach debacle and I’m only capable of a soft groan at this juncture.

Jesse provided me with dessert in the form of a Blondie Bite.

3.5 stars. Groan.

The offending rugelach:

all you need is a sandwich and a dream...

On the menu today: Fried Catfish and coleslaw. I customized this lunch and asked for the catfish to be placed between two pieces of bread with some tartar sauce. Lo and behold I was in the presence of a delightful sandwich. I love sandwiches!

The coleslaw was a nice side item. And it soon turned into a tasty desert for Jesse.

I washed all this down with a Snapple Raspberry Iced Tea. I mostly got it for the fun trivia regarding frogs not drinking. What a life they must lead. Poor guys, maybe they need to get invited to some more parties.

Overall rating: 3 1/2 stars

a dingo ate my baby

Oh, soakingwetpanties2006. I think I must have been a crocodile hunter in a past life. Today for lunch, I ate leftover Shepherd’s pie from Tuck Shop: The Great Aussie Bite, the new café at the nexus of the universe that serves everything from greasy sausage rolls to greasy chicken pot pies to greasy vegemite sandwiches. Also, they serve beer. See what I mean?

Snaps to the creamed corn, which served as both appetizer and dessert.

Overall rating: 3 stars, despite pending gastrointestinal meltdown.


P.S. I learned that frogs do not drink water, courtesy of the Snapple Real Facts Game.

booger gravy is in the hizouse

Today for lunch, I had roasted turkey breast and garlic mashed potatoes. If this sounds familiar, it is. The only difference was the aforementioned booger gravy.

You will come to the realization that the staff caff has a rotation of about 6 or 7 lunch menus. You will come to know all of them very well.

Overall rating: 2 1/2 stars

i did the mash

Today at lunch, I postponed my plan to try the Skeletor Bacon Grilled Cheese in favor of roast turkey and mashed potatoes. I’ve always been afraid of ordering cafeteria mashed potatoes but Gael held my hand and I made it to the register. Thanks, Gael.

For dessert I scavenged Lauren’s lemon pound cake, which I polished off as though I hadn’t actually consumed three distinct dinners last night.

This lunch had three-star potential, but regrettably the Staff Caff served up booger gravy, which was both visually and texturally unappealing. 2.5 stars.

Soaking Wet Panties Party Post

While I realize this might be against protocol (as this does not have much to do with the epicurean adventures of SWP2006 contributing members) SWP's #1 fan big dong is throwing a party this weekend in honor of St. Valentine. Go and watch me get twisted drunk.

In the spirit of SWP2006, big dong did relay the following:

"BTW, for lunch today, which I just finished, I had a tangerine, a coffee from Mano's Papaya and four hits of marijuana. I like to call that a BM-friendly lunch."

motherfuckers are so nice

I was feeling down today at lunch. I haven’t been sleeping and I’ve been drinking rather heavily as of late, so feel bad for me. I peaced out early and made this animated picture of me in my favorite outfit:

Update: If eating day-old mini-muffins is wrong, I don't want to be right.

masters of the universe

Today for lunch, I had a turkey sandwich on white toast with american cheese, lettuce, mayo, and mustard and some pita chips. Ellen snacked on some of my leftover turkey. I was in a total sandwich mood today and this one really hit the mark. Awesome.

Also during lunch, Jesse, Jason and I were trying to come up with names for our new trivia team for the VH1 pop culture trivia tournament. The finalists were:

• date rape
• gang bang
• skeletor and the zombies
• tasty snacks (that was jason's)
  
• castle greyskull

Castle Greyskull is the clear winner. The grand prize is $100,000. Do you know how many meatballs I can buy with that much money? No seriously, I'm asking.

Overall rating: 3 1/2 stars

shape-shifting round globs of meat

Today, for lunch I had swedish meatballs and herbed egg noodles. Not bad, but not exactly good either. The sauce kind of looked like diarrhea. During lunch, Ellen stated that she wasn't pleased with her previous meatball experience. Interestingly enough, as soon as I was finished eating, she eyed my leftover meatball and went in for the kill. She asked us not to look at her while she ate it. So we didn't.

Overall rating: 1 star

i don't want none unless you got buns, hon!

Dave the Irrational Sandwich Guy failed to bring his “A” game today. I ordered a turkey sandwich on a roll with American cheese, lettuce, tomato, mustard and mayonnaise. Simple right? Wrong! Dave neglected to cut the roll down the middle, which led to phantom roll on one side. Under these conditions, there was simply no way for me to save one side of roll and some cheese to create a delicious dessert sandwich. I had to eat Gael’s meatball for dessert while Jason stared at me. Jason is creepy.

Perhaps I should just be grateful that there was turkey in my turkey sandwich.

I begrudgingly give this lunch 1.5 stars.

My best friend:

swimming upstream

Today’s lunch was an uphill battle—you know, the kind of battle where winning is almost a punishment.

The offerings were slim. I chose to avoid the fluorescent-yellow carrots and stool-sample kielbasa in favor of poached salmon and scalloped potatoes. The salmon was squeaky, but it went in with little difficulty until dry mouth set in. I doused the potatoes in pepper to encourage flavor, but by the end of the meal I was only eating them so that I didn’t have to look at them anymore.

Skeletor left his Tabasco-slaughtered potatoes on the table. Skeletor is such an only child.

This was a 1.5 star lunch, with negative points awarded for textural ambiguity.

The Salmon Queen, ultimate superfan of the Victoria Salmon Kings (not-so-gifted members of the ECHL Professional Hockey League):

fish dish

Today for lunch, I had braised salmon and scalloped potatoes. Most of my lunch companions had the same meal and they didn't seemed to jazzed about it. I saw a lot of napkin cover-ups. But I liked it. Well, let's just say it was satisfactory. Jason didn't clear his plate when he left. Who the fuck does he think he is anyway?

Overall rating: 2 stars

delayed gratification

Today for lunch, I ate breakfast. I’ve been making soft-boiled eggs like they were going out of style for two weeks now. Because I live paycheck to paycheck, I appreciate the low price attached to the nutritional power of the egg.

Sometimes I even bring my soft-boiled eggs to work with me, carefully packaged for the subway as though I were in training for a 7th grade physics experiment.

A handy guide:

traitors in the breach!

Today for lunch, Susanna and I decided that after a night of boozing, fast food was definitely in order. Our journey started at McDonald's where we each purchased medium size fries. We then made our way to Wendy's for a classic single cheeseburger. Both were delicious and managed to downsize my level 4 hangover to a more manageable level 3. The lady emptying the garbage at Wendy's called us traitors for bringing in McDonald's fries. I couldn't really tell if she was joking or not so we thought it best to leave.

Overall rating: 3 stars

saving my appetite for dinner

Today for lunch I had a mozzarella and roasted pepper panini and a bag of Terra Blue Potato Chips. Quite boring really, maybe I should have had the fajitas. Oh well, at least I was in good company.

Overall rating: 1 star

Here's a preview of what I'll be having for dinner tonight:

return of the mack

At lunch today, Skeletor revealed my humble origins in the land of miniature fairies and gumdrop forests. I should have known better than to bring my native vegeturds to work, cleverly disguised though they were in a TJ Maxx shopping bag.

I buy socks at TJ Maxx because you get the Maxx for the minimum price.

Dave the Irrational Sandwich Guy provided me with a heaping plate of beef chili and rice. While not worth mentioning to the unicorns back home, the $3.52 price tag for all that grease was unbeatable.

I give this lunch two stars.

A vegeturd:

castle greyskull

I must confess, soakingwetpanties2006, that today’s lunch was incredibly similar to yesterday’s lunch.

As an amuse bouche, I ate a few bites of leftover pork noodle soup from Plump Dumpling. The opaque light pink color of the broth was slightly jarring and the noodles were irrelevant, but the pork itself was enjoyable. The Boys of Finance criticize my Policy On Leftovers (POL), which is essentially that unless I see or smell something growing in my food that was not already growing there in the first place, I will eat it. Whatever.

For my main course, I ate a double-decker peanut butter and jelly sandwich, assembled using the same ingredients as yesterday. I discovered, courtesy of Jason, that thimbleberries are actually baby bear excrement! The sandwich was delicious.

I give this meal a solid 2 stars.


P.S. Please note that as of lunch today Jason has changed his name to Skeletor.

Who do I have to fuck to get a turkey sandwich around here?

Today for lunch I had a turkey sandwich on white toast with american chesse, lettuce, mayonnaise and mustard. Accompanying my meal was a bag of Stacy's Pita Chips. David, the crazy sandwich guy, forgot to put turkey in my sandwich. What a jackass. I know he did it on purpose. So I sent it back.
After I covered my sandwich with black pepper I was all set and it turned out to be quite delicious. We were once again joined by Jesse and egg salad made a special guest appearance. The soaking wet panties team were united as one.

Overall rating: 2 1/2 stars