SOAKING WET PANTIES

Friday, April 07, 2006

The Secret of My Succe$$

Today for lunch I had pizza! This was pretty much the only food I could stomach today. I went on a bit of a bender last night at our NCAA basketball celebration. Woke up this morning with a level 5 hangover which was downgraded to a 4 after pizza consumption. We also watched a bit of The Secret of My Success on our 17 inch mac. Susanna ate the leftover crust of Jason's black pepper pizza, which made her feel better. Good times.

Overall rating: 4 stars

Thursday, April 06, 2006

boldly consuming lips and assholes

Today for lunch, I ate a hot dog and a hamburger. Apparently it was throwback to Middle School lunch day at the Staff Caff. Jason got me all hot and bothered in the elevator with grandiose machinations of Swiss cheese and bacon, but there was none to be had. I don’t know why I continue to delude myself in this way.

Susanna correctly identified the burger flavor as ‘nothing’. Also they must have just taken the patties out of the refrigerator because mine nearly froze my cheese.

I learned that our own Fish Taco cleans her bathroom with hotdogs. I also revealed my secret desire to master Klingon. Here’s a little taste:

Huh? = Nuqjatlh? = nook chatch

Where is the bathroom? = nuqDaq 'oH puchpa''e'? = nook dock oh putch pa eh?

Your mother has a smooth forehead! = Hab SoSlI' Quch! = Hab Shush Li' Cooch*
*Note: this is a powerful insult; don't say it to friends.

Shut up! = bIjatlh 'e' yImev! = b'jock eh imev!

Jade is a Klingon:

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Michael the New Guy: Culinary Cock-Tease

Recently, the Staff Caff raised their prices. Now, I’m not cheap. I would like to think that if the Staff Caff purchased fine ingredients, like say foie gras or even squab, or if the menu options expanded beyond ten distinct meals in rotation, then I would accept the diminished funds in my bank account. Instead, everything is the same.

Except Michael the New Guy.

Michael has invented a variety of paninis and wraps. Finally, someone down there understands that the Staff Caff should give up on hot food entirely and invest in more George Foreman grills. Today I tried my first Michaelwich, which consisted of squash, zucchini, tomato and ricotta cheese rolled into a spinach tortilla and Foreman-grilled. Michael even lovingly arranged the Michaelwich on my plate like some Four Seasons-type shit. It was amazing, that is until I discovered that my little piece of paradise cost $6.50.

3.5 stars.